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I'm serious. Heavy,  heavy trigger warning for depression/guilt/whatever. Also, if you're religious you'll probably be offended by the end so sorry.
Especially for you three or four, since you're directly involved in this. Please guys, don't read this. You'll feel even worse.




WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO FUCKING HAPPEN TO US
WHY DO WE HAVE TO BE THE ONES WHO ARE DEPRESSED, WHO ARE SUICIDAL, WHO HAVE A WHOLE FUCKING PLETHORA OF DIFFERENT PROBLEMS AND DISORDERS AND WHO-EVEN-KNOWS-WHAT TO CHOOSE FROM
WHY DO WE HAVE TO BE THE ONES WHO TAKE ALL OF THE SUFFERING THAT COMES WITH THESE YEARS, AND THEN DOUBLE IT
AND THEN DOUBLE IT AGAIN
WHY DO WE HAVE TO BE THE ONES WHO GO TO EXPONENTIAL HEIGHTS
WHY DOES IT HAVE TO RUB OFF ON EVERYONE AROUND US
UNTIL EVERYONE WHO SURROUNDS US IS BROUGHT DOWN BY OUR SUFFERING, HAS TO PAY BECAUSE WE GOT THE SHITTY DEAL FROM LIFE
ON THE SUPERFICIAL SIDE WE'RE FINE BUT MENTALLY WE'RE ALL DRAGGED DOWN AND ENOUGH IS ENOUGH THIS ISN'T FUCKING FAIR.
I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A DOMINO EFFECT. I THOUGHT IT WASN'T LIFE ACTIVELY COMING AFTER US UNTIL THE HAPPIEST ONE AROUND US, THE KINDEST ONE AROUND US, HAD TO FUCKING GET A SHITTY DICE ROLL TOO. THE WORST THINGS HAPPEN TO THE BEST PEOPLE, IT'S FUCKING TRUE AND THERE'S NO WAY KARMA EXISTS.
Karma is nothing. If karma, or any sort of good God existed, I wouldn't watch all the very best people I know suffer. I wouldn't watch them struggle against their own hatred of this life because of the shitty hand they were dealt, because of the goddamn ignorance that everyone else gets but they had to leave.
If there is a God there is no fucking way it is kind, or merciful, or loving, because hell cannot compare to this. Hell cannot possibly compare to what I see the people who I love most go through every day, what I myself have to go through every fucking day.
Hell is nothing compared to this.
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